No has a powerful presence in our culture. I have so many thoughts about it that I’ve absorbed from media. Especially with parenting.
This week, Laura and I have been experimenting with “no” and it has not looked pretty. I think I’m mostly familiar with most parenting ideas.
Use no rarely.
Really mean it when you say no.
Pick your battles.
Give choices to give control.
Be consistent.
Provide boundaries.
Say no by saying yes.
The statements make nice, neat mantras. Yet my mornings are not neat. They are a source of stress. Mostly because of no.
One example. I have girls with long hair that enjoys tangling itself. We get enjoyment out of the hair, but there’s a maintenance cost. I’m willing to pay the cost and so are the girls, mostly. I bribe them with TV to stay still and I get to brush hair. It’s snuggle time, dress time, shower time. All these things happen with Curious George or Dinosaur Train in the background. This morning, Laura was intolerant of this arrangement. I said “yes” she could watch TV, if I brushed her hair. She used “no” in loud terms. So no TV. No brushing hair. More nos.
So what is a parent to do? I think there is power in no. I think too often we are exalted to say yes. There is a cost to yes. It takes time and energy. There is joy in yes. But it can pull your focus and fray your day. So, the balancing act. Today, I am struck by the power of no and a call to use it’s power at time for the cause of good and not for evil.
Advent is a time of waiting and the power of no. As candy floods my house, I have said no this week. When Laura asks to open presents, I say no. I hug her and talk about tomorrow. But the best this is the power of yes on Christmas. In that season, I get to say yes! I get to say it with each package and each treat. It has more power with the waiting. Jesus said yes to the cross. But he said no to so many other things. He said no to being in heaven. He came to Earth. He said no to being powerful. He became a baby. He even said no to shelter (not sure I’d want to do that one given our recent rains and snow) for his birth. He did all that to say yes to the cross. Yes to redeeming us from our sins.
So for now, despite the stress and tears and cries, I will wait in the power of no, so that on Christmas I can revel in yes.
p.s.
Laura asked for a salmon burger for lunch. It’s been a fun, snuggly morning post getting to school. Laura’s floor in her room tells the story of her mind and imagination. Train tracks, stuffed animals awaiting a show, Breyer horses saddled. She comes to the table, pauses, and exclaims, “ARRGH! I forgot to make my robot!!!”
No idea where that came from. Not many robots hanging around. We’ll see what an afternoon of play brings.