I have insomnia again. Laura has been waking up at 3am for an hour. Last night, she gurgled and laughed and played with blankets in my bed in the dark for an hour while I tried to sleep. Tonight I tried a different tact and put fed her then left her in the Amby (her hammock crib) to gurgle. It helped us both get back to sleep, but then she wanted to feed again at 5am. I wasn’t able to go back to sleep again since my mind was racing.
I find my mind racing alot these days. I don’t know if life is too busy and I can’t keep all the details in my head. It seems to be a side effect of the prednisone. I’m still taking 10mg per day. I didn’t want to have my knee swell up while I was returning to work. Since I’ve been taking this medication, my personality seems more revved, more manic, more edgy, more anxious. In some ways, I feel more efficient. Lately, it feels like I have to “be on top of things”. Running normal life with 2 kids takes a lot of organization. I don’t naturally organize well. So I feel like I have to focus on organizing and remembering details to make things go smoothly. Wayne asked me the other day when I was going to wean off the prednisone. He’s noticed my personality has changed lately. The question is, is it the medication or is it more anxiety from all the business in our lives right now?
Here’s an example of the business. Second week back at work. 1.5 weeks post Maui. Anticipating another trip coming up. Still haven’t unpacked completely from Maui. Dishes are stacking up in the sink. Food is running low in the freezer so time for another cooking group. Need to plan a baby shower for Claire. Haven’t sent out the Easter cards I made for my niece and nephew. Our evenings seem packed…deacon’s meetings, home group, 10th anniversary (yeah!), Wayne just remembered he has to travel to Pixar in the next few weeks, Wayne is sick yet again and tired in the evenings and has to work on a presentation in the evenings, etc.
So yesterday, I theoretically have a half day to catch up on things. I wake up at 7am. I have a doctor’s appointment at 2pm. I have to work for 4 hrs. I try to get the girls out the door to daycare so I can get to work early enough to get to the doctor’s appointment. We were so tired the night before, we haven’t prepared anything. So I make lunch, make bottles, gather stuff, etc. I enlist Wayne to help us out the door with the promise to drive him to work. This will make him late and means he will come home 45 minutes late.
I manage to get to work by 9:15am, work hard, leave at 1:15pm. Grab a slice of pizza at Piecora’s. Make it back downtown for a doctor’s visit at 2pm. Doctor called out for emergency. So I see nurse practitioner. She’s unable to answer my questions to my satisfaction. Make an appointment for 2 months later to try this again. Consider whether I should pick up the girls or go home to do work without kids. Call daycare.
Laura is wheezing. She’s been coughing for the past 9 days and having reflux (spitting up milk). In the past few days she’s sounded more raspy, but been feeding well and had good energy and had no fever. I was torn whether to take her to the doctor. Daycare said she seemed to be having trouble breathing. So I leave downtown at 3:15pm for a 4:10pm pediatric appointment. I pick up Sara and Laura and barely make that appointment. Laura is wheezing, likely reactive airway disease in response to a viral cold in her bronchioles (air tubes). So she gets a nebulizer treatment with Albuterol (it’s very hard to make an infant inhale medication). She sounds better. She then vomits digested milk all over the exam table and her clothes. I look in my diaper bag that had a change of clothes when I left the house…no clothes for Laura. So I dress her in Sara’s clothes. Then I have to sign forms while holding a very heavy baby so I can buy a $90 nebulizer and get insurance to pay for it. Sara get her fingers accidentally closed in the pediatric sticker drawer. Hand baby to staff member. Comfort crying 3 yo who is asking to go home. Continue to fill our forms. Go to pharmacy to get Albuterol. Starving. Buy junior mints to share w/ Sara. I get 5 before my daughter decides we need to take the rest home to ‘share with Daddy’. Go home. It’s 6pm. So much for my day to “catch up”.
No wonder my head spins when I wake up in the middle of the night. So is it the prednisone or just this stage of life? Only God knows.
Odds and Ends…Last night we started watching Murderball, a documentary about quad rugby. What an awesome rehab movie. It essentially shows what my profession does (in that physiatrists try to get folks with disability engaged in life again). It’s an edgy, fun movie.
Sara-isms
Sara likes to make jokes. I love to laugh at her 3 yo humor. My future lawyer likes to argue with me about the words I use. When we go for a trip she always asks, “Are we going to walk or drive?” and “Are we going to take the van or the Subaru?” When I’m rushing to get us out the door, I’ll inevitably say, “let’s go to the car”, meaning the minivan. A sly smile will creep on her face and she’ll enthusiastically point out, “No, it’s not a car, it the van!”
I was talking to Wayne on the phone and again referred to our minivan as “the car”. He copied the Sara-ism and surprised me. We had a good laugh over that.
Sara will also pretend to be drinking her milk, but with the straw closed. She looks up with her big brown eyes and waits for us to laugh. I am always eager to laugh at her “joke”.